I have had so many messages of support this weekend. It is upsetting for us, that we will never have the opportunity to continue our friendships here in the UK. When you ask me, why we have to go, I can only say, because that is how damaged we are as people. The memories here are just too much to bare.
My health and well being will never get better here. There are no guarantees on the continent either. It is not an easy option. The mental health services in Spain are appalling, which is why I am choosing to stop my medication, no matter what happens. We will have no network of friends if we need them and the most difficult journey we have ever undertaken. That will give you some idea, of how bad our circumstances are. Our options are limited, because of the very nature, of what has happened to us. Not running away, the only option advised by the charities who have been helping us. I am no Drama Queen in these circumstances, I hate the thought of being lonely, but our continued happiness together, health and sanity are at stake.
I can never begin to explain what has happened to us, without the usual disbelief and shaking of the head. You can't go this long suffering and stay in the place it has happened. I find it difficult enough to cope now, let alone when the fall extent of the damage comes flooding back, as it will.
Our strength lies in being together, wherever we are. We have come back to Southampton so many times, but never again, for our own safety, we absolutely can't. Vulnerability breeds the type of people who cause serious harm to others. Yes that shocks me too, but we have to face that and no matter how hard things get, we will always have each other and know that we are not like them. Believe me, that is enough compensation!
Thanks again for all your good wishes!